I’ve just had two weeks off work, and it’s the longest stretch I’ve managed since I went freelance. As I returned to my projects, everyone was quick to ask the standard “how was your break? question. But here’s the thing, I’m not sure a holiday with two small children qualifies as a break.
The Good Old Days
I used to take holidays to have downtime, to relax, to reset my energy levels and focus. If I was lucky, to explore new parts of the world. They’re important, critical even, for your health and wellbeing. I read books, got up late, wandered for miles, ate new foods, got massively lost and generally had a great time. At this stage of life, I take time off work to do the parenting rollercoaster more intensively, often from a tricker location.
Why Holidays Aren’t the Same
Yes, I put my out-of-office on, and I didn’t do any actual work, but the word break suggests relaxation, downtime and the ability to come back refreshed. Lots of research has outlined the mental and physical benefits of a holiday – decreased stress levels, decreased blood pressure and better sleep for starters, but when you have caring responsibilities, your time isn’t your own. That photo of us at a castle, for instance, doesn’t capture the 20-minute negotiation with our youngest about going to the bathroom before we left, or our oldest pulling his early-onset teenage sigh and arguments of “do we really have to?” Or the 3kg backpack we lug everywhere with water, snacks, sun cream, coats, a change of clothes and whole host of other kids’ paraphernalia. You plan your days around the kids, you can’t not, how far it is to walk, when their mealtimes are, whether you can convince them to actually do the activity. You spend most of those days riding an emotional rollercoaster alongside them of ecstasy and tragedy and not a lot in between.
The Pressures of Holiday Perfection
Social media, the wider media and online groups don’t always help. People posting idyllic photos, the lists of must-do attractions to visit, the guilt that summer holidays are limited and that precious memories should be made. There’s been quality time, don’t get me wrong, and we’ve lots of magical moments but restful, it was not. I really value the people in my life who admit to, and celebrate, the messiness of parenthood. That no-one really knows what they’re doing and we’re all making it up as we go along – some days more successfully than others!
Two Weeks and Counting
So, shout out to all the parents and carers who’ve survived their summer holiday rollercoaster so far – there’s just two weeks left and counting. For most of us it’s been a constant juggle of compromises. Squeezing work into even more limited time than usual and using that break to swap work for full-time parenting adds an intensity to life that I didn’t understand before I became a parent. I’m relieved summer is nearly over and the reliable routine can restart and at the same I’m sad to end the time with kids because in amongst the arguments, negotiations and meltdowns there’s been a lot of joy and laughter. Like all other times, parenting in holidays is complicated.
Photo by roman raizen on Unsplash